Today’s episode is inspired by anybody in my life who has told me, “Oh you better be careful, once you start your business you won’t have a lot of time for your health.” Or, “Hey, you know that once you have kids, your business will slow down or your relationship with your wife won’t be what it used to be.” They’re wrong. You can have it all.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I have it all together. I’m going to tell you that I’m in pursuit of getting better in every area of my life that I’ve designated as important. Look – you can have a strong career and a great marriage, you can raise amazing children and have a home full of faith, you can run a business and still have a relationship with your grandparents. You can have it all.
I’m going to hop right into it because I’m fired up today!
How to Have it All
1. You need to clearly define your purposes.
If you want to have it all, you need to define what ‘all’ means to you. What are you after?
For example, in your health, what is explicitly your purpose right now? What’s your purpose in your relationship with your kids? What’s the outcome that you’re after? If you don’t clearly define this, you’re not going to do it.
You’re trying to get organized. You’re trying to get efficient. And, you’re trying to crush your life. You need to know what values and goals you’re aligning with before you do it.
A few years ago, I heard this story about Sir Richard Branson (I might get a couple of details wrong with the story), but basically, a group of entrepreneurs was trying to get Sir Richard Branson to come and speak to their group. They reached out to his team, and they offered him $100k (I think) to come and speak for three hours. Sir Richard Branson’s team responded that he would be unable to come. So the group responded by offering him double the amount of money for half the speaking time. Soon after, they got a response that he would still be unable to do the event.
The group decided to send one last request asking Branson’s team to give them a number of how much money it would take to get to Richard Branson to come to speak – even for half an hour. The team responded by apologizing to the group for being unclear and explained that the reason Sir Richard Branson wouldn’t speak at their event didn’t have anything to do with the cost. It was because he had written down four core purposes at the beginning of the New Year and had made a commitment that he would not speak at any events that were not aligned with those four things. Since the event wasn’t aligned with those things, there was no amount of money that anyone could pay that would get him to come to speak.
When I heard that story, I thought wow there’s a guy who knows exactly what he’s after.
If you don’t know what you’re after, you’re going to find yourself doing a lot of things that are not in line with your purpose. After everything you do, after every day and every week, you should ask yourself: “Am I doing things that are aligned with my purpose?”
I’m spending time with my kids – yeah that’s in line with my purpose. Friday night, I was watching Netflix with my wife, yeah, hanging out with my wife is also in line with my purpose. Went to the gym – yeah that’s in line with my purpose. BUT, over here, I was doing nothing for four hours, or I was slipping into some bad habits that aren’t in line with my purpose.
You need to clearly define your purpose in every area of your life because if you don’t you will find yourself wandering all the time.
2. Time allocation, not time management.
You can’t manage time. You’ll never be able to do it. People who try to manage time always fail. Instead, you have to allocate time.
Once you decide what the most important things that you’re after are, then you have to determine how much time per week you need to allocate towards these things. For example, I need to do a date night with my wife once a week – that’s going to be about five hours. I need to hit the gym three days a week – that’s going to be about another five hours.
If you don’t allocate time to the activities and the things you need to do ahead of time, you’re just going to fill the empty spaces in your calendar. What should have been an hour-and-a-half workout turns into a two-and-a-half-hour workout and although you’re feeling good that day about having some extra exercise that’s taking away from another area of your life that you should be focusing on.
Remember, you want to have it all, so you’re going to have to get super clear on what you want, and you will have to get good at allocating time to those things that are important to you.
3. Everything goes in the calendar.
You’re probably thinking, “This sounds like it’s becoming work.” Yeah, it is work, but once you get on top of it and you learn how to do it, it doesn’t feel like work – it starts to feel like passion. So get your calendar out and put everything in it.
Put in everything that you said was important to you and take all the times that you allocated towards those things and now put them in your calendar. Block off time for everything.
There should never be a three-hour blank space in your calendar. Even if it’s time to hang out and do nothing you should block that off. Because, if you need time to zone out (which I do) you need to block that time off, so you don’t end up filling it with other things.
I always slip into filling it with other things (a lot of times these are things that are important to me like more time at the gym or with my family) but if that was a time that I needed to recharge and be by myself, and I didn’t take it — it will cost me on the other end. My calendar is non-negotiable everything I do goes in it.
4. You do everything on your calendar.
This one sounds easier than it is. We tend to operate emotionally rather than habitually. Our emotions run our life, not our habits. So, not only do we have a bad habit of not putting everything on our calendar, but we also have the bad habit of not doing the things we do put into our calendar. Think about how that might affect your psychology if you break promise after promise to yourself. I’ve been at that point before, and it’s not good.
So, remember habits over emotion.
I want you to back it up, imagine you know exactly what is most important to you in each area of your life, you allocate time that you should be spending on each thing per week and you put all of that in your calendar. This includes your chill time, downtime, prayer time, time to sleep — whatever is important to you and whatever you need. So it’s all in the calendar, and then you do everything that you’ve put there.
I know it seems like I’m oversimplifying this. But, if everybody were doing it, we wouldn’t need to talk about it. If everybody did it, then everybody would be maxing out their life and would only be doing things that are in line with their purpose. We would all feel super good about ourselves and have high self-esteem because we’d never be breaking any promises to ourselves. If we followed this rule, we would be strictly habit-driven versus emotionally-driven.
But at the end of the day, the question isn’t whether you know it or not; it’s about whether or not you are applying it in your life. And if you are applying it, can you teach it to other people? Whether it’s a friend or business colleague or one of your children — are you able to transfer this? Your ability to teach it is what’s truly going to give you the significance that you’re looking for.
5. Have fun along the way.
It’s the journey that’s fun, not the destination. Look, there’s no destination to having it all. There’s no such thing as having it all. You can have enough, but you can’t have it all. Because having enough means you’re still on the hunt, there’s always room for growth and you’re still moving forward. You’re never going to sit back and say, “I have it all,” but you will say, “I have enough.”
As human beings, we have this need for growth and contribution. So there’s always a journey behind the next journey.
So don’t waste your years waiting to be happy, waiting to start having fun. Be happy now. Have fun now.
Yes, you’re going to evolve, yes you’re probably after bigger and better and yes, having more income will solve some of your problems. But no matter what, there’s a journey behind the next journey.
You’re never going to feel like you have it all because you’re always going to feel a little bit like you’re chasing the next thing — and that’s okay. You’re just after more growth and more contribution because you understand that stagnation doesn’t exist for you.
So don’t wait to have fun. Find the joy in every single day, and you’ll start to realize that you already have enough to be grateful and you already have enough to be happy. You can still want more and still be frustrated and dissatisfied, but you’re getting after it every day, you’re happy, and you’re doing with gratitude in your heart.
Guys, you can have it all, and that’s how.