Selfish is the New Black


  • 14min
  • other
  • Sep 16 2019
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What’s up everybody, welcome back to #MomentumMonday. Today’s topic is Selfish is the New Black: Six Tips to Living a Healthier and Happier Life. Being selfish doesn’t mean that you don’t care about others – it’s actually quite the opposite, let me explain.

Being selfish means that you put enough value on your time so that you can become more valuable to other people. If you’re like me, there are constant opportunities for people to pull you in a whole bunch of different directions, which can put you off your game. 

Our society has a bad case of approval addiction; we care too much about what other people think and we’re constantly emptying the tank just to make other people happy. Putting yourself first will help you eliminate that need for approval so that you can focus on your goals.

If you can’t take care of yourself and show up the way you need to be showing up, it usually starts with self-care. There are so many benefits to a healthy amount of selfishness: It can heal you from past mistakes, help you build a better relationship with yourself and achieve a better life. 

You deserve to live debt and stress-free, but more importantly, you deserve a life of abundance, happiness, and wealth.

Being strategically selfish is hands down one of the best ways to improve your life overall, so let’s get into it.

Six tips for living a healthier and happier life

1. Say no

Simply say no. Not learn to say no, just say no. You’re only one person with just 24 hours in a day and you can only do so much. If you don’t have a clearly defined goal or plan, it’s easier to say yes to everything. So while it might feel good to have a reputation for helping others and lending your time, energy and even money – you’re not thinking about yourself. You empty your tank for other people all the time, but at the end of the day, who’s filling your tank? 

Put your responsibilities first and protect yourself. If you’re asked to do something that’s not in line with your purpose,  don’t do it. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t find time to help people, it just means that you should know when to say no, especially if there are other things you should be doing. 

“If I said yes to every text, phone call and meeting every time someone wanted some of my time, I wouldn’t be anywhere close to where I am today.”

2. Put your phone away

We all carry this little device that keeps us connected and gives us access to any information we desire, so it can be tough to unplug and put your phone away. I get it, I’m on my phone all the time – but there needs to be periods of your day when you put your phone away, even if it’s just for 30 minutes. 

I built my whole business on my phone and I rely on it every day so I know how hard it can be, but when I’m on my phone, I’m not present in the moment. Whether I’m checking emails, reading notifications from social media or answering text messages from friends, it’s nonstop and it quickly gets out of hand. Some days you just need to take time to disconnect, because if you don’t, you’ll get distracted from what you need to be doing.

I’m not saying you can’t check your phone in the bathroom at a family dinner or take a quick look before you check your coat on date night, but don’t let it get in the way.

Have a period of time during the day when you just disconnect and get present because the world can wait. 

3. Personal date night

This one is my favourite and I probably should have put it first. I’ve been doing it since before I met my wife – the third tip is to implement a personal date night. What you do is entirely up to you; it could be a day off, a pre-planned date night or even a night in as long as you specifically set aside time for it. 

Whether you’re alone or with a friend, taking yourself out on a date can help foster a positive relationship with yourself. Regardless of your industry, it’s a time to think through your ideas and meditate without everyday distractions. Personally, I like to think about new ways to approach the game and how to make my next move, but sometimes it’s just popcorn and licorice while watching a movie. Whatever you do, take the time to reconnect with yourself. 

It might sound funny, but doing this can help you get to know yourself better, remind yourself about what you have and understand what’s important to you. Whether you spend an hour, two, or a whole day, a personal date night once a month will allow you to recalibrate, refocus and rejuvenate. It’s something I’ve been doing for a long time so I recommend doing it once in a while,  you’ll be glad you did.

4. Quality over quantity

The fourth tip is to focus on quality, as it’s not always about quantity. Balance is about getting rid of things, not adding things, so less is more. When your partner asks you to spend more time with them, what they really mean is that they’d like more quality time. Let’s face it: if you spent every waking hour together, they would probably kill you, so it’s not about the amount of time spent together. Quality time means quality time, not just time.

It could be an old-school date where you set a time and book a reservation so that you can get away from distractions and just enjoy each others company. Maybe you go out of your way to get the car washed on the morning of the date, or you pick up some flowers and drive around the block to knock on your own door to surprise your date – it’s really up to you.

The point is, you need to make the most of the time you spend together by focusing on quality time instead of the amount of time.

But this principle goes beyond your relationships, it applies to all areas of your life. When I spend 12 hours at work, I’m doing things that have an impact, not just sitting there killing time. Whether it’s your spouse, your kids, your business or even fitness, your time is valuable, so make it count. 

5. Count your blessings

This one’s important and I want you to actually do it, so get a piece of paper. Write down all of your unique gifts and blessings. You’re gonna think it’s egotistical but it’s not, it’s another form of healthy selfishness. Only you know what your talents and skills are, but most of us don’t give ourselves enough credit for what we have and what we’ve done. Whenever you get a spare moment or even on one of your personal date nights, take some time to brag about yourself on paper. Maybe you’re a hard worker, maybe you have a great sense of humor, maybe you’re methodical or intelligent or competitive, whatever it is, write it down. 

Stop waiting for other people to tell you about your blessings and take some time to do it yourself. These are your unique talents and doing this will remind you of the fact that you and only you are responsible for your success and achievements.

Your gifts are the reasons why you’re gonna win in business, in fitness or in anything else, and if you can learn to leverage your blessings, you will win at a higher level than you ever dreamed of. 

6. Remind yourself who you are

Like I said earlier, you deserve a life of abundance, happiness and wealth without stress or debt getting in your way, and self-care is the golden ticket. Remember who the heck you are and who you were born to be by looking yourself in the eye and finding that person. Nobody can get you fired up like you get you fired up. Take a moment to recognize that person looking back at you and take pride in who you are because you’re the one in control.

At the end of the day, when you’re running at full capacity, you’re better for yourself and you’re better for everybody else. 

I hope you guys got some value out of today’s post. If you enjoyed it, please feel free to share it on social media. Tag me on Instagram @holbrooksworld or share this post on Facebook. If you have any suggestions for content, fire me a direct message on Instagram.

I appreciate you guys so much. Have an amazing day, and I look forward to another powerful episode next #MomentumMonday.